The Strengths of Singleness
There once was a time when I thought singleness was a curse. Okay, maybe that is a bit dramatic but it definitely aligns with how society often made me feel as a single woman. I saw my singleness as a sign that I was deficient in some way. I felt inadequate, I felt unloved, I felt lonely, and most of all I felt really sorry for myself.
Then one day I turned off the Adele and decided that I was tired of feeling poorly about my singleness. As I started to pray on it, God started to show me some powerful and impactful people in the Bible who accomplished amazing things for the Kingdom while single, including Jesus Christ himself. I realized that singleness wasn’t a punishment, but a preparatory stage. I know it doesn’t always feel like it, but singleness is, in fact, a gift and it serves a purpose in our lives if we make the most of it.
The Purpose of Singleness
1. Better Yourself.
Your single season is the perfect time to work on becoming the best you can be. You have the ability to examine yourself in depth, discover who you are, and determine who you want to be. You can then do the work required to become the person God called you to be without the added influence of another person. In my single season I took the time to heal old wounds from daddy issues, domestic violence, and sexual assault. Trust me when I say, it’s a lot easier to deal with your demons solo than trying to tackle them with someone else. I am now freed from that trauma and won’t bring those wounds into my future marriage. I’ve also taken the time to develop some skills and pursue some activities I wanted to for a long time. I’ve mastered cooking, I’m teaching myself to play the guitar, and I’m in the midst of taking a sign language course. I’m becoming the person and doing the things that make me happy with myself. Then I’ll be able to bring my best self into my future relationship and not have to rely on another person to satisfy me.
2.Intimacy With God
What better time to build your relationship with God than when it’s just you and God? When you enter into a relationship, a large portion of your time is committed to cultivating and nurturing that relationship. When you’re single you can devote your time and attention completely to God. I’ve enjoyed getting to know God more in my single season. I understand His character and His nature better. I understand His will for my life and His promises to me even more. I have come to hear His voice more clearly and experience His love in a deeper way. It’s in experiencing the fullness of God’s love that I’ve been able to set a biblical standard for how I deserve and want to be loved and treated in a relationship. True intimacy with God has been the most beautiful experience of my life and I’m glad I’ve had the chance to develop this bond with my heavenly father.
3.Full Focus On Purpose
One of the greatest gifts of my single season has been the time and freedom to fully pursue what God has called me to do. When you’re in a relationship there is someone else you have to consider at all times. Every decision you make impacts someone else. When you’re single, it’s just you and God- you are free to go all in. You have more time, more independent resources, and more energy to give it all you’ve got. In my single season, I’ve launched a mentorship program committed to helping women heal from mental and emotional trauma. It’s been such a satisfying process to be able to give these women my all. My schedule is so much more open to help these women process through their pain, experience healing and deliverance, and begin walking in the freedom, restoration, and purpose God has for them. And while I know this program is likely something I’ll still be called to when I do get married, I’ll have to work a lot harder then to manage my time than I do now. To only have to be accountable to God in this season has been a huge blessing.
4.Learn About Marriage
While there will be aspects of marriage you won’t be able to conquer until you’re actually married, there are a lot of things about marriage you can learn before you walk down the aisle. I’m taking the time to learn about love languages, communication, and God’s design for marriage and wives. I follow godly couples on social media and read books about prepping for “the one.” I want to enter into marriage with a foundational understanding of what a godly marriage is designed to do and how a godly marriage is designed to function. Why? So my marriage begins on a healthy foundation. So we don’t waste time trying to work through small stuff when we could be building for the Kingdom together. I want to thrive in my marriage, not just survive, so I am preparing now to make my marriage the absolute best it can be.
When it all boils down, singleness isn’t some condition you need to be saved from. Your single season is designed to grow you and mold you to be your best self in your current season, while also preparing you to be the best partner you can be when you get into a godly relationship. Rather than seeing yourself as less than or viewing your single season through a negative lens, take the opportunity to embrace what God wants for you in the here and work to become who God wants you to be in the now. Lean on God for strength, guidance, and grace and trust Him to walk you into your next season when you are ready. Believe me when I say, God’s best for you is worth the wait.
Staff Writer at Christian En Vogue
Diamond Grant is passionate follower of Christ with a deep love for writing. After rededicating her life to Christ during her college years, Diamond became an advocate for women pursuing mental, emotional, and physical health/wellness. When she is not busy being a homeschooling mama to her son or mentoring women on the road to healing, you can find her with a stack of books and a journal nearby ready to take notes.