First, let’s get this out of the way: God created sex. Period. Sex is mentioned frequently throughout the Bible. It’s not a secret, it’s a natural part of life, and it is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed to speak about. Okay, now that awkwardness is out of the way, let’s talk about it…for real. […]

The Realities of Sex: Society’s Way vs. God’s Way

First, let’s get this out of the way: God created sex. Period.

Sex is mentioned frequently throughout the Bible. It’s not a secret, it’s a natural part of life, and it is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed to speak about.

Okay, now that awkwardness is out of the way, let’s talk about it…for real.

The Purpose of Sex

The very first instruction God gave to mankind is to…well, procreate.

“Then God blessed them (mankind), and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply…” [Genesis 1:28]

And immediately after, scripture makes sure we understand exactly what that requires:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they (Adam and Eve) were both naked, and they were not ashamed.” [Genesis 2:24-25]

The Bible also reminds us that what happens in the bedroom is alright in God’s sight:

“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled…” [Hebrews 13:4}

Connection. Union. One flesh. This process of developing a deep intimacy literally requires leaving the first form of intimacy you know (your family) to start your own with whom you’ve chosen to share a life with. It’s literally the biggest change in your life and that, for many, can be a scary feeling, especially before marrying someone. (Getting “cold feet“ before the wedding is real!) Yet, with sex, you can experience the pleasure, love, comfort, and vulnerability with your spouse that’ll release all of those fears and build the bond needed to embark on the new journey in life. With sex, you create and bring another life into the world. With sex, you glorify God.   

But wait, what if I’m not married to the person I’m having sex with?

Well, that’s where things get difficult.

The Purpose of Intimacy

Couple caressing one another in bed. Photo Credit: Becca Tapert on

God makes it clear in scripture that extramarital affairs (sex outside of marriage) are forbidden. It’s mentioned so many times throughout the Bible that many people just give up on the Christian faith altogether.

I can’t help it.

I enjoy it too much to give it up.

I’m a sexual being.

I don’t understand why God doesn’t want people to have sex.

But that’s where the lie comes in. God does want us to have sex…just only with our spouse. And here’s why: You ever wonder why God didn’t create several women for Adam to choose from? I mean, God is the creator of all things, nothing is too hard for Him. Wouldn’t it be logical to allow Adam to go on a few dates and see who he was most compatible with, shared the most interests, and at least thought was attractive?

No. Absolutely not. This is not the Bachelor.

Too many options causes chaos. Our minds are not designed that way. God knows what’s best for our wellbeing, and too much exposure to anything is a hindrance. Think about our bodies: we don’t choose to beat the heart, to fill the lungs with oxygen, to digest our food, and so on. If our minds had to choose the whens and hows of functioning the body, we wouldn’t survive past birth. To be honest, most of us can barely make it to work on time from trying to choose an outfit for the morning. God knows this about us (after all, He created us). So can’t most of us just choose one partner from a list and be done with it?

Well, even science confirms the issue of overchoice. In her article, The Psychology of Choice, Dr. Liraz Margalit discusses the addiction of having many possibilities available. She explains that the more options we have, the less likely we are to make a decision at all. This problem, unfortunately, happens in the world of dating and sexual intimacy.

My ex was never this shy in bed. It’s boring and frustrating. . .

Why won’t you do what she does in the video?. . .

Comparison is deadly. It destroys intimacy. It lowers self-esteem. It makes room for jealousy. That’s not what God intended for sex. And unfortunately, societal norms took it a step further.

The Problem of Sex (Outside of God’s Intent)

Sex sells. Billboards, commercials, magazines, you name it. Whatever is showing the most skin instantly draws attention. But why? Shouldn’t we be used to it? After all, we’re exposed to sexuality every day of our lives in some form or manner.

And that’s the problem. Society (at least in America) has made it part of our everyday lives. The porn industry makes billions of dollars per year. Sex trafficking is a worldwide issue where many children, especially young women, are kidnapped and forced into prostitution. Cases of rape, sexual assault, and sexual harassment occur daily. Sexually transmitted infections are everywhere. Situations of infidelity are ending marriages and dividing families. People are suffering from trauma and PTSD.

Why? Because of sex? No. Because of the addiction to sex. The exposure. the multiple options. The fantasies. The lack of self control. The lack of respect and morality.

Even if someone is single and practicing “safe sex”, casual sex can still affect their mental health. In her article for Psychology Today, Dr. Susan Whitbourne explains the common behavioral patterns shown in people who engage in casual sex, including depression, loneliness, and social anxiety.

Biblically, sex outside of marriage (sexual immorality) is the only sin described as against one’s own body [1 Corinthians 6:18]. In other words, we’re not hurting others; we’re hurting ourselves.

The Comeback: Sex on God’s Terms

Thankfully, there is a way to break free. We don’t have to let sex consume our lives our allow society to control how we think towards it. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us [Philippians 4:13], including hitting the mental reset button on sex.

Yes, it may be hard for some more than others. Yes, it takes denying the body what it craves. Yes, it isn’t easy to stop something you’ve started. Yes, some may even need a counselor. But it’s possible, it’s healing, and it’s worth it.

Most of us tend to forget that the creator of this universe is smart. God knows what He’s doing. Sex brings God glory. It’s the highest form of physical intimacy that one can experience–a euphoric feeling that is the closest to what we can expect to feel being in the presence of God. In His dwelling place. In Heaven.

Being committed to one person on earth who you will share a life with, procreate with, and fulfill purpose with is truly something special. That’s God’s gift to us. Let’s not take it for granted.      

“…rejoice with the wife of your youth. . .let her breast satisfy you at all times, and always be enraptured with her love.”

[Proverbs 5:18-19]

Ashley Cottrell

Interested in reading more of her work? Check out her blog:

With a B.A in English, Ashley Cottrell has written blogs for Virginia Bride Magazine, Bronze Mag, and has been a contributing writer for numerous other digital entities. Although a Virginia-native, Ashley resides in Puerto Rico fulfilling her passion as a freelance writer. She aims to use her gift of writing to inspire others and share the gospel of Christ. When she's not writing, you can find her nose-deep in a game of chess, Salsa dancing, or making homemade skin care products.
Ashley Cottrell

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