Author Archive for: Candimmarsh

About Candi Marsh

  • “Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you and me, let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that maybe, let’ talk about sex.” These are the lyrics from a song written by America Hip-Hop Trio Salt n’ Pepa in the early 1990’s. From music, television shows, magazines, billboard ads, commercials, […]

    Breaking the Silence: Let’s Talk About Sex!

    Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you and me, let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that maybe, let’ talk about sex.” These are the lyrics from a song written by America Hip-Hop Trio Salt n’ Pepa in the early 1990’s.

    From music, television shows, magazines, billboard ads, commercials, even down to cartoons the topic of sex is practically everywhere. Then in the late nineties and now in the millennial era, sex has been sensationalized, glamorized, and even minimalized to the point where the actual act of sex has lost its true intent.


    Instead of talking about sex, it’s time we talk about purity and understand that there’s more to the “purity talk”, then just wait until you get married! Purity is an intentional mindset one chooses to live out on a daily basis whether married or not.  Simply put, purity will not end once you say “I do.” It is a never-ending lifestyle.

    Further, we cannot limit the purity conversation to just ­­focusing on the natural consequences of not waiting such as having a child out of wedlock or contracting a horrible disease. We must also focus on the spiritual repercussions of not walking in purity. In today’s culture purity is not a value that most people want to adopt and sex seems like NO BIG DEAL.  However, sex is a really big deal and when taken out of context you stand to lose more than what you intentionally bargained for.

    The #1 top ploy of the enemy is to kill, steal, and destroy our relationship with Christ.  He does this very subtly through deception. He tries to make us think that there is nothing wrong with sex, masturbation, and pornography by whispering lies such as,

    It’s harmless.”

    “Nobody is going to get hurt.”   

    “It’s okay, everyone does it.”

    Contrary to popular belief, having any type of sex (yes, even anal and oral) before marriage, watching pornography, or masturbating is harmful, is hurting others and no, not everyone is doing it.

    When we engage in these things not only does it hurt our spirit man but it also hinders our relationship with Christ.  The enemy wants you distant from God and he is willing to take whatever precautionary measures to create division between you and Christ including telling you lies that your sexual sin is not as harmful as it truly is.  Here are some truths about sexual sin.

    It Separates You From God

    The Ten Commandments are divine laws that were established during the Old Testament era. They represented a covenant of love given by a personal God. The seventh Commandment in Exodus 20:14 states, “Thou shall not commit adultery.”  Adultery is having sex with another person’s spouse or having sex with someone who is not your husband. Yes, it is possible to commit adultery even if you or the person you are sleeping with is not married. How? Because the person you are having sex with is not your spouse and you, therefore, are sleeping with someone’s future mate who does not belong to you.  Further, any sex before marriage is called “fornication” which is an immoral act and will disqualify you from inheriting the Kingdom of God.

    1 Corinthians 6:9-10, states “or do you no know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral or nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor greedy nor drunkards nor slanders nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

    When you inherit the Kingdom of God you also inherit the power and the authority that comes with it.  The enemy knows this and this is why he works overtime to keep you away from it.  Do not fall for his schemes nor be fooled by his deception.

    It Keeps You in Bondage

    Sex before marriage is all fun and games in the beginning but what happens when the relationship ends? The after effects are usually permanent scars and emotional, mental, and spiritual damage that are sometimes irreparable.  When you are in a relationship where purity is not valued, pretty much anything goes from oral sex, anal sex, masturbation, and viewing pornography because, without purity, sex can lack a moral compass.  The more you engage in these types of sexual activities the more you may find yourself in an addictive habit that you are unable to break. If you find yourself in a sexual addictive habit that is hard to break,  that habit has become your master you and have become its slave. God did not call you to be a slave or bound to anything.

    Once you become enslaved by sexual addictive behaviors that are hard to break you are trapped in a spiritual bondage and this is exactly where the enemy wants you—weak, bound, and defenseless.  He wants you in a position where you feel powerless with no choice but to remain hopeless and helpless and stuck in your sin and sexual impurity.  The effects of this is guilt, shame, low self-esteem, and regret.  You may even have thoughts that are not good enough or you will never be able to stop this addictive behavior. This mindset is not true however and you can be free from sexual bondage through a commitment to purity and the strength of Jesus Christ.

    It Leads To Spiritual Death

    Purity brings spiritual life, but sexual sin leads to spiritual death.  Romans 6:16 states, “don’t you know that when you offer yourself to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are a slave to sin, which leads death or to obedience with leads to righteousness?”

    Allow me to make one thing clear, there is nothing wrong with sex when it is performed in the sanctity of marriage.  Marriage is a commitment/covenant that two individuals make before God and other witnesses that as a couple they will love, honor, respect, cherish and be faithful to one another. Sex is what consummates a marriage; It serves as the bonding agent that unites the couple as one.  Mark 10:8, states “and the two shall become one flesh, so they are no longer two but one.”   This union is a threefold cord where God, the man, and the woman have joined together to maintain the vows of their covenant and to advance the Kingdom of God—this is called a godly soul tie.

    However, when you are in a physical and intimate relationship that does not value purity and waiting until marriage you may find yourself in an ungodly soul tie.  An ungodly soul tie can be very damaging not only to your mental well-being, but it can also lead to spiritual death because you end up starving your spirit while feeding your flesh.

    Choosing to consistently practice a lifestyle of having sex before marriage or engaging in sexual immorality will lead to spiritual destruction. This is why purity is so important.  When you choose to wait until marriage to have sex you are protecting yourself from all the emotional distress,  mental instability, and most importantly the spiritual demise which is the price of sexual sin.

    If you are living in a spiritually dead state due to an ungodly soul-time be sure to break free from it today!

    How to break an Ungodly soul tie:

    Repent  of any sins that were committed while in the relationship.

    Renounce.  Aloud say: Heavenly Father,  I now renounce to any ungodly soul tie formed between myself and (partner’s name)  as a result of (every sexual immoral act you guys performed together).

    Remove.  Get rid of gifts, flowers, cards, letters, or anything else given to you by the other person in connection with the sin or ungodly soul tie.

    Forgive.  If you have anything against the person.

    Salt n’ Pepa got the conversation going so Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you and me, let’s talk about all the good things, and the bad things that maybe, let’s talk about how to walk in sexual purity!

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  •  Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Snap Chat, and host of other social media sites have worked to corrupt the true meaning of beauty and self-worth. It appears that everyone has the “perfect” body, hair, family, relationship, and children.  Beauty is being defined by likes and followers and sadly, there is this constant fixation that we must keep […]

    Self-Confidence vs. God Confidence

     Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Snap Chat, and host of other social media sites have worked to corrupt the true meaning of beauty and self-worth. It appears that everyone has the “perfect” body, hair, family, relationship, and children.  Beauty is being defined by likes and followers and sadly, there is this constant fixation that we must keep up with everyone’s “hashtag goals” just to stay relevant.  If you are not careful scrolling through other people’s highlight reel, social media can start to negatively influence how you view your own self-esteem and confidence.

    Looking to others to validate my self-confidence and self-worth was indeed a struggle for me.  It seemed like no matter what I did, someone was always doing it better.  I just didn’t seem to measure up.  I wondered what was I doing wrong and why wasn’t I getting noticed like others.  I eventually learned that my self-esteem was being measured by the wrong standards which led me to want to dig deeper into confidence and how do you get it.

    What exactly is self-confidence? According to Merriam Webster Dictionary self-confidence is defined as, “confidence in oneself and in one’s power and abilities. The issue with this is that according to this definition, confidence is solely produced by our own ability and powers. Having self-confidence is great, however, when you are solely relying on “self” to produce it, you are extremely limited.

    What happens when you enter a season or place in your life where you start to feel powerless and do not trust in your own abilities? Yep! You guessed it, your self-confidence starts to waver and doubt begins to enter your mind.  You may even contemplate giving up and start to entertain negative thoughts such as,

    I am not worthy…

    I am not good enough…

    I am not smart enough …

    I am not pretty enough…

    Entertaining negative thoughts will block out the truth.  The truth is, you cannot do anything in your own strength but, when you take your own ability and couple it with Christ you now have what is call God-fidence.  All the things you cannot do in your own ability and power, now with God-fidence you can do in Christ!


    God-fidence, is confidence in Christ’s power and ability to work in and through you.  When you have Christ, social media or the world is no longer the standard, God and his righteousness is.  Christ becomes the barometer of your worth.

    Whenever you start to have negative thoughts about your worth or your ability, the lie needs to be combated with God’s word-the truth. Here are some Godfidence Builders:

    Negative Thoughts  vs.       Gofidence Thoughts

    I can’t do anything                  I can do all things through Christ that strengthens—Philippians 4:13

    I am not enough                     I am more than a conqueror”—Romans 8:31-39

    I am not pretty                       I am fearfully and wonderfully made”— Psalms 139:14

    I am weak                               God’s strength is perfected in my weakness”—2 Corinthians 12:9

    I have no purpose                  For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord”—-Jeremiah 29:11

    Apart from changing your thoughts, there are four other main traps to avoid that could hinder you from building your God-fidence:

    • The Comparison Trap
    • The Idol Trap
    • The Devalue Trap
    • The Negative Talk Trap

    The Comparison Trap

    When you start comparing yourself to others, it is right at that very moment you diminish your confidence and start feeding into the lie that “you are not enough.” There is always going to be someone smarter, prettier, taller, or faster than you but you have everything you need in order to reach your calling and purpose. Remember, our own abilities and strength is not what gives us God-fidence, Christ does.  Look to Him to find your worth not to others.  It’s not about who can do it better, but it’s about who can live up to their destiny. God created you strategically in order to impact a certain group of people which means everything about you from the way you look, down to the way you talk was done by God on purpose. The individuals you are called to influence are depending on you to be you, not a cheap carbon copy of someone else so it is important to stop comparing yourself to others and just be you.

    Idol Trap

    There is a thin line between admiring and idolizing. There is nothing wrong with admiring people and their work.  The issue lies when you start to idolize them. God is a jealous God. He even said that no man should serve 2 masters. Christ should have the first position in your life. He should be the one that guides your decisions, choices, and actions.  If another individual takes that position you will remove Christ from His rightful position in your life which will also mean His power will also be removed from working in and through you. Hang on to your God-fidence, by keeping God first and making Christ your priority.


    Devalue Trap

    Value and worth play a critical role in your God-fidence.  If you idolize and compare yourself to others you will have a hard time valuing your own self-worth.  God created you and said that you were good.  He even said that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.  This means you do not need to look to others to approve your worth.  The only person that you need to look to validate your Godfidence is Christ.

    Negative Self Talk Trap

    Words are powerful.   Life and death are in the power of the tongue. The language you elect to speak does have a direct correlation to your Godfidence. Therefore, be mindful of the words, you speak over yourself.  Change every negative speech into something positive so that your words will build your confidence and not tear it down.

    Avoid these traps and look to build your God-fidence.  How do you build it? The more and more time you spend with the Lord the more and more you build it.  Allow God to be part of the everyday rhythms of your life. Take time to read your word and find more scriptures to combat any negative thought. Spend quality time with the Lord in worship. When you build your relationship with Christ you also build your God-fidence!

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